Stop Shoulding Yourself

Do your shoulders or neck hurt?  Do you have knots there that never seem to loosen up no matter how much you massage, squeeze, or rub?  Chances are you’ve piled up too many “shoulds” on yourself and your body is reacting to this “weight of the world”.  

I tell my clients to stop using the word “should” (or “shouldn’t”, or “need to”.  It’s all the same).  We all already know what we “should” be doing.  “I should do the dishes.  I should clean my room.  I should eat healthy.  I shouldn’t eat so much junk.”  When we say “should”, chances are it is because we aren’t doing whatever it is we should be doing.  So, at that point, the only thing “should” gives us is guilt and stress.  

The best thing you can do with all these “shoulds” is to turn them into “wills” or “won’ts”.  How do you do that?  Get a piece of paper.  Take the time to write out everything that you know you “should” be doing.  Then, go through the list and write “will” or “won’t” next to each one.  For more power in this, narrow it down to what you “will” or “won’t” do today. Brutal honesty with yourself is required here.

If you “will” do something, it goes on your to-do list.  You are to begin working on this thing as soon as possible.  If need be, you can break it into steps and get one step done a day.  Bottom line, if you know that you are going to do something, just do it.  Quit thinking about how you “should do it.”  

If you know that you won’t do something on your list, but it lives there because you know that you “should probably do that”, decide if it is important enough that you must get it done.  If it is that important, either change the word next to it from “won’t” to “will” and use the Positive Mind Management principles to change your motivation for the task, or find someone else to do it.  Delegation is the best way to relieve a crushing workload.  If it isn’t important enough for you to bug someone else about or change your own motivation to get yourself to do it, then just quit thinking about it.  Cross it off your list forever.  It’s obviously not important enough to actually do, so it’s not important enough to worry about.  Let it go.  

Notice how, with each “should” eliminated and each task completed, the tightness in your shoulders gets more and more relaxed.  Keep reviewing this list, adding to it each time you sense a new “should”, then immediately categorizing it into “will” or “won’t”.  Thus eliminating your “shoulds” as soon as they show up.  

The next time you catch yourself saying “I should do that.”  Ask yourself “Well, am I going to?”  Then either do it, get someone else to do it, or forget about it.  Either way, move on.